Everything with Tucker was - and still is - seismic. His very entering into our lives, and every new thing he does and says, is a change for us and we are awed, surprised, and completely overtaken by it. But Carter has not had this effect. With Carter, everything is just ... easier. We've seen it, learned from it, know what to expect, and handle everything with more ease, if we even consider it something to be handled at all. Often I have to remind myself that I HAVE AN INFANT. Remind myself that THIS IS A BIG DEAL. That infants are THINGS TO DEAL WITH. Carter flys under the radar a lot. I don't worry so much about him as I tend to with Tucker. I feel guilty that I don't worry enough? Is this an indication of Carter's future personality? Will he always be flying under the radar? Granted, he doesn't talk or move around much yet, so I'm certainly overstating his likelihood for future sluggishness. And Tucker is in the time of life where he is just SO THERE. He is LOUD. He is VOCAL.

He has in the last few days discovered the interesting distraction of clucking his tounge. I've tried to ignore it, though I fret that it could easily become one of those annoying habits people develop that they don't even realize they are doing. Then today he told me that his teachers have told him he can't do that at school. That he has to do that only at home. I asked him why they told him this, and he didn't know. But I immediately started to worry that he's already become one of those annoying people. It's begun - he is his own person out there in the wide world of morning preschool and I am not there to excuse or explain away his behaviors. He has to account for them - or not - on his own. The first little bit of me learning to let go.